They told me she might not recognise me but she did without a doubt she knew exactly who I was and what I meant to her. How wouldn’t she, She raised me thought me the values that I know today she thought me difference between right and wrong. She was there when I took my first steps and when I played my first pranks.
The surprising thing is she always told everyone how innocent I was and what a clean heart I had she did the same today. However among all my cousins I am probably the most fucked up one how can I be innocent? But no doubt it always makes me feel really special. Even in the “bed rest” condition as I entered the first order from her to everyone there was to get me food to eat. I have always been treated specially by her and I don’t know why.
I am her only child who doesn’t visit her as often and I know that’s not such a good thing but its true. I can’t stand family or the rules and regulations they fallow. When they talk about their beliefs it pisses the fuck out of me. Anyway it was such a pleasure to meet her I know the amount of shit I get away with in my life purely because of luck I know its all because of her prayers and blessings.
Yes there is a part of me that believes in them. She is my fortune of good luck and will always be. I know I wouldn’t be half the man I was without her upbringing. As a kid my parents were never around with my dad in Dubai and mom at work she has raised me. In return I have given her nothing not that she wants or needs anything from me. But I know someday when I make something out of myself she will be so proud no matter where she is. I will never forget the moments we have shared they are tucked away in the back of my mind they prevent me from losing the righteous path.

Tonight ive fallen and i can't get up....

No matter how much I deny things were just so perfect a year ago. With everything being messed up including me but that one person was so perfect. I don’t know if I will ever feel that ever again. The best thing about relationships are that they allow you to depend on the other person so much walking each other through up’s and down’s but when the walk ends and you decide to changes path’s your lost.
I still don’t get how someone could love someone and not want to be with them till the last minute they can. Anyway it’s all over now but I am that person who likes to carry my past with me to always help me remember who I really am. However I do have people in my life that never left my side when things got a rough.
But they never look at me at the way I look at them. I knew I will have to leave one day but when I pictured it so differently I feel I have felt so much unsaid to so many people and so many things undone. I think at some point you just have to let go and things happen the way they are supposed to we as humans want everything and everyone around us to be what and how we want it or them to.

The truth ?

The truth is nothing matters. I have reached a point where I can see things which most people cant the huge flaws in society. I hate Humans they are the most selfish stupid ignorant people who think they have a higher purpose because of their huge ego’s but they don’t they are just a tiny spec in the universe and will fade away just like that. And Society is the reason for this haltered. The person who said ignorance is bliss really knew what he was talking about. We tend to become so fake and plastic at time we fail to see the fact that we are fooling our own selves. We give money so much importance but what we fail to understand is that the paper has no value on its own its only and only what we make it. I feel there are people who have reached this stage way before and I know a few who have with me. The point is when your here you really want nothing. I know there is no way to satisfy me ever for I am only human. The greed for power will always make us do very stupid things. We have been kept blind in a almost genius way we are so engrossed in our day to day lives we almost forget to question the reason for existence and when I realised this I did exactly that and found there is no reason. Democracy is one of the biggest lies to humans ever point one it doesn’t work as it is supposed to. Point two even if it did its nowhere close to the best way to go about it it’s the only way that the humans know. Yeah I am going to do retarded shit as a child party as a teen learn responsibilities as I grow further convince myself I have found a soul mate get married and then sooner or later when my body gives up I will die. But what if souls didn’t die? What if we never existed from the start but the souls did. ( Also another conclusion made by an old friend ) I feel as if I am stuck and no matter what choices I make it doesn’t matter because at the end of it none of us matter. My only hope lies in getting answers because there are only two ways to remain happy and obtain satisfaction don’t question or find the answers I am a little to late for the first.